Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Why I'm not published

As some of you know, I aspire to write one day. What? I don't know. But it is a dream. More than likely, that is exactly what it will stay but loosing weight has always been a dream too & here I am almost 50 lbs lighter. So, occasionally, dreams do come true.

My dream to write is pretty much the main reason why I started this blog in the first place. As a way of practicing consistency. I haven't been doing it long enough to notice if it has helped any but it sure can't hurt.

I have subscribed to several blogs by writers, agents, marketers, publicists, etc in hopes of gleaning from their knowledge & experience. One such blogger, Mary DeMuth (a Christian literary agent who actually lives about 1 hr away from me in Rockwall), asked readers in a recent entry on her blog, So You Want to be Published, to finish the following sentence. "I'd be published, but ____________." I thought this was a great question/fill in the blank. It gave me that little push to honestly look at why the hesitation, what's my problem, why do I keep talking about it (mainly with the little voices in my head) but not doing anything about it. Below is how I responded.

I'd be published but...
1.) ...I'm too lazy to sit down & actually write something.
2.) ...I've got so many ideas I can't seem to settle on one. I can't even decide what kind of genre to go with.
3.) ...I'm afraid I will write something no one likes.
4.) ...I'm afraid I'll succeed.
5.) ...I've never taken any kind of writing class other than the required college English classes. What do I know about writing?

And, that is the truth. Numbers 3 & 4 are a paradox, I know. Number 2, I believe, most writer's struggle with. Whenever I do seem to overcome #1, even if it is only for a few minutes, #5 seems to pop up & suppress all motivation. Ah, the life of self-doubt, I know it well.

The truth is I have no excuse. So what that I've never had any formal training? There are lots of people out there that didn't (& some who still don't) know the first thing about writing & didn't let that stop them. And, so what if no one likes it? I should write because I enjoy it, not to satisfy others, or at least not until it actually becomes (if it ever does) my primary source of funds. This is the prime time for me to write. I'm not married, I have no kids, I only work 4 days a week. What is my problem?! Lazy, that's all I am.

Maybe, I should schedule 1 hr every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, & Sunday where all I do is write, just like how I've scheduled time to exercise each week. I should write even if I don't know what to write, even if it doesn't really make sense in the end, just get those creativity juices to flowing. Maybe one day an actual idea will spring from it. I started writing a little ditty a couple of years ago. It only came out to be about 2 or 3 pages but it was a little fun.

I found it about 6 months ago & it was actually pretty good, in my opinion. I remember feeling like such a fool when I wrote it & I guess I still do. I've never shown it to anyone because even though I think it was pretty good I figure no one else will. I've written things & done things in the past thinking they were pretty good to have people not act very impressed or even show the slightest bit of enthusiasm. I wonder, "Am I really that bad & just don't see it? Am I one of those people who you want to tell them that they are crap but you don't want to hurt their feelings so you end up lying to them & they go on making a fool out of themselves? Am I her?"

Oh well, I guess I should try to find that story I started & at least give it a shot. I'll never find out if I have anything if I don't at least try, right? Anyway, all good ideas. Now let's see if I follow through. Something else I've had a problem with in the past.

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