Salsa: To Dip or Not To Dip (Part II)

Ok, so, did I go? Did I have fun? Did I dance the night away?

Well, yes, I went. But, the answer to the next two questions are a little more difficult. On the fun factor, it was okay. I didn't get asked to dance but that was actually a good thing. My sis & her friend, Lauren, did dance with several guys while Marsha (another friend) & I watched and awkwardly shimmied in place a bit. Marsha was asked to dance several times but she, like me, was not comfortable with the whole idea.

I was not the fattest one there (even though I felt like it) but our little group was the most modestly dressed. When I got home, I looked in the mirror & salsa-ed a little to see how stupid I actually looked & I didn't look that bad at all. For the first time in my life, I'm actually starting to think I actually look somewhat attractive, maybe even, dare I say it, sexy. Even though I say that & feel that way when I am at home, when I get out into these public situations my demons start whispering in my ear once again & the memory of the mirror is banished for the image of my body image dysmorphia. The being asked to dance thing was actually, more than likely, my own fault. First off, I was very uncomfortable just being there to begin with & I know that people can often sense that. And, secondly, when ever a guy did look my way I would quickly look else where & pretend that I never noticed him.

When I was in my first year at college, we use to go to the club & frat parties all the time & I was always dancing, but it is really weird now. During finals week of my last semester of my freshman year, we went to a frat party just about every night of that last week & since then I haven't wanted to go clubin', partyin', or bar hopping since. I guess I just got it all out of my system during that year. I guess that is a good thing.

My poor sister did have the "undesirable" chasing after her the whole night. This weirdo asked her to dance & she did, not knowing he was a weirdo at the time. He was not a good dancer. He pretty much "threw" her around. It was quite hilarious but she certainly didn't want to do that again. Then, after that, we would move to another part of the restaurant to avoid him, &, after a few mins, here he came. Again, quite hilarious but annoying at the same time.

So, will I do it again? More than likely, not. The best time of the whole dancing portion of the night was when we all took a break & went out onto the patio & just talked. Having said that, if we brought a few guy friends along with us, I might go back. I don't know, this just isn't my scene anymore. I guess I'm getting old or something. What I need to do is find me a bunch of computer geeks or gamers & get in with that crowd. That's right, I'm weird. I like the nerd life style. Sit at home, play a game, watch a movie, not have some sweaty weirdo getting all "up in my space." :) Boring, yet way more comfortable for me.

On a somewhat separate note, we ended up eating at T.G.I. Fridays. I had the, I think it was called, Firecracker Chicken. It was a grilled chicken breast with a spicy sauce on a bed of rice with steamed broccoli. The chicken was ok. I probably wouldn't get it again though. The rice I didn't like but I'm not sure why. And, as usual, I didn't eat the broccoli. There were only 400 or so calories in the whole thing & I didn't even eat all of it so, I did really well, especially for how hungry I was.

So, in all, I had a great time hanging out with Kim, Marsha, & my new friend, Lauren. All great gals. So salsa dancing isn't my thing. That's okay. Dancing isn't for everyone. YouTube vlogging isn't really for them. Everybody has their hobbies & past times that they enjoy but others may not. Everybody is different. That is one of the great things about life. If everybody looked alike & did the same things, this would be a very boring, Orwellian life. I'm thankful for such a diverse world that we live in. I'm thankful that I am different.

Salsa: To Dip or Not To Dip (Part I)

I didn't work out today but I really don't feel that bad about it. Mon & Tues I worked out for 30 min with my trainer, Mon & Wed I did about 30 min of cardio (elliptical), Tuesday I did an hour of cardio (elliptical & stationary bike), & tomorrow I've got another session with my trainer & I plan on doing at least another 30 min on the elliptical (I may do an hour depending on how I feel).

Also, kind of on topic in long stretch kind of a way, Kim has invited me to go with her & some of her friends to eat at Gloria's (Mexican food, mmmmmm) (If I do go I may eat a little something before & just get a small salad or something light) tomorrow night, followed by salsa dancing. Hummmmm. Me, salsa dancing. Someone could get injured very easily. I haven't decided if I'm going to go. I may just play it by ear.

I have two stupid & contradicting fears about the whole dancing thing. First, I'm afraid I will be the only one not asked to dance. Not that that would be all that big of a deal. It doesn't really hurt my feelings but I'm afraid other people will notice. And, not that what people think of me should really matter but, that is when the paranoia begins to kick in. I start imagining everyone is saying one of two things: "How sad. No one has asked her to dance. Let's find someone & ask him to ask her to dance." (how humiliating would that be?) or "Well, we know why she isn't being asked to dance, she's just too fat." Ahh, the life of the socially anxious.

My second fear is that I will be asked to dance. I do not know how to salsa, other than with a chip (obviously). What if I just make a big fool out of myself. I'm really good at that. How disgusting is it going to be when all of my bits start jostling around? Eeekkk!

Having said that, I have another fear that always seems to pop up during situations like that: What if one of those guys starts hitting on me? Ok, first, I am not looking for anything but, if the right kind of guy came along, I wouldn't mind going out with him. However, this is rarely the problem. If some guy does act like he likes me he usually ends up being an "undesirable." I really don't want to get into what qualifies as an "undesirable" to me, here today. Some of the main things would be, a non-Christian, a smoker, a heavy drinker, a thug, etc... There are many other things but, like I said, not here, not today.

I am not the type of girl that feeds on the attention of the opposite sex. In fact, it makes me quite nervous. I have no idea what to do, whether I am attracted to him or not. If he is one of these guys, how do I make it clear I'm not interested without being rude or hurting his feelings (& not lie)? I guess the main reason for my awkwardness when it comes to guys is my inexperience. I've only been on about 4 dates in my whole life (counting my 6 month high school "relationship" as 1 date) and only 1 of those was after high school. Even that one was about 9 1/2 yrs ago (I know, very sad, I'm a social freak).

Ahhh, boy, I have totally gone off the deep end with being pretty open & honest on this blog with what I'm about to share. You are really getting a glimpse in to the psyche of Kristy (ha, that kind of rhymes).

Along with the whole boy/girl topic (man, how did I get on this?), there is the issue of flirting. Now, I'm not talking about the tactless ogling, batting eyes, drooling, & smiling to the point of nerve damage that many girls seem to have majored in; I'm talking about the showing of the opposite sex that you are interested. I am crap at that. I have a paradox going off in my mind at the very thought of attempting to flirt. My thought is, "I don't want to flirt because he may think I like him." Yes, I'm being totally honest, that is really how I feel. I told you, I don't make sense; a total paradox. No matter how much I try to logically work this out in my mind, I still come back to the thoughts that if they guy or his friends think I like him they are going to run off into a corner & laugh about it. Like, "How could this girl ever think she had a chance with me?" Yes, I should be in therapy.

I'm not saying any of this to get any kind of sympathy or anything like that. I'm just trying to be honest & evaluate my life for what it is. Like I've said before, this is just a document of my thoughts, my life, etc... I don't do this for any other reason. If someone finds any humor, motivation, inspiration, interest, etc out of this then that is just an extra bonus.

So, will Kristy eat Mexican, will she brave the dance floor, will she end up in the ER, will she be chased by some creep, will she meet the man of her dreams. Tune in next time for the shocking conclusion of ... * dum, dum, duuuuuummmm *...... Salsa: To Dip or Not To Dip (Part II)