Saturday, September 27, 2008

Kristy's Random Ponderings: I think my scale has a drug problem...& religion.

That's right. I think my scale has a drug problem. Either that or it has bipolar disorder.

The scale that I have at home is not the one that I go by for my official or my weekly weigh ins. It is just what I jump on a billion times a day just out of curiosity. Usually, it is somewhat close to accurate. Other times, it seems to have an issue with schizophrenia.

For example, last night before I went to bed, & all day long for that matter, it said the same thing, 202 lbs. This morning, I have gotten on it several times & it has said 196.5 lbs every time. So, either my scale is secretly trying to confuse me or I miraculously lost about 5 lbs over night. If that is true, then I'm going to stay in bed for the next couple of months.

I never trust these stupid home scales, especially not the digital ones. I've never had much luck with them. My last one would differ by about 15 lbs every time I stepped on it. Then, in the end, it started saying that I weighed 180 lbs when, at the time, I actually weighted in the 230's.

I do my weekly weigh ins at the hospital where I work. I use a scale that is tucked back in one of our storage closets. It is as old as the hills & is weighs me about 2-3 lbs lighter than most scales. I use it because it is more private & convenient. For my official weight, I use the scale at the gym. It was the scale I used for the first time back in April. When I do weigh on it I am wearing my tennis shoes so I'm sure that adds close to 1 lb to it but still, I feel it is the more accurate one.

My official starting weight at the gym was 249 lbs. I know that I have lost over 40lbs since then. I think I am only a couple of lbs away from my 50 lbs mark. I can't wait. However. I'm feeling very surreal about the whole thing. Like I'm in some type of dream & I'm going to wake up any moment to find myself back at 249 lbs. It is almost like I am emotionally numb over the whole experience. I never thought I could do this. And, to be honest, I know it is not me that has done this. I know that it is God who has been the difference. He is the one that has enabled me to do this. I can claim no victory in this. The only thing that I did was get up & walk out the door. That is it. He has done the rest.

After hitting my 40 lbs down mark, one of the head trainers at the gym kept congratulating me & saying I should be very proud of myself but the whole time, I felt very odd accepting this praise. I knew I did nothing really to deserve it. But, being the chicken I am, I couldn't tell him that it wasn't me, that it was my God.

I am such a chicken when it comes to being open with my beliefs. In fact, writing this right now is uncomfortable for me. I know that non-Christians read this blog & think I am weird believing such things.

I am not the type of person to "beat people over the head" with the Bible. I don't feel like I know it well enough to do such things. And, to be honest, I think those methods rarely work, & more often times, turn people away from Christianity & give Christians a bad name. I feel it is a much better way to just be open about your beliefs & live as best as you can. Then, if people are interested in hearing more, they will ask to you.

Even that would make me a little nervous because I know very little about apologetics. I had never even heard the word until about 3 yrs ago. I am trying to learn as much as I can about it. Our singles group at church is reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis right now. I am totally loving this book. It is not hard to read it is just difficult to comprehend. His arguments are very deep, but I love that. I also have a book that I was going through but had to put down due to some other books I had to read for other book groups. So, I need to pick that one up again. I really don't think it is that great of an apologetics book, though. I need to find some better ones. I am also trying to study other religions. I had started studying about Mormonism, but, again, I had to put it down for some other obligations. I definitely want to get back into that, though. It is quite fascinating studying other religions & beliefs systems.

I want to get a pretty good understanding of Mormonism, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, New Age, Buddhism, Wicca/the Occult, Jehovah's Witness first. Then I would like to delve into some of the others such as, Humanism, Christian Science, Scientology, etc (some of which don't really claim to be a religion just a belief system, such as, atheism & agnosticism).

I would love to become educated enough to actually do studies/presentations on them. Maybe one day even travel about speaking on them or write about them. That is just one dream that I would like to do. I don't want to do this to incite fear or hatred towards these religions. I think we should be educated about these other belief systems so that we aren't afraid of them & so we can have educated conversations with the followers so we don't offend them or make ourselves look ignorant or make paranoid or prejudicial statements or assumptions.

I may never get that far, but I do want to be as educated in them as possible. I don't want to be one of these uneducated people that believe every little thing you hear about other religions.

Wow, boy, this post started off as one thing & totally morphed into something completely different. This is what happens when I just start typing whatever pops into my head. See, this is how my mind works. I start off thinking, "Ooo, what a pretty flower." & somehow end up thinking, "What is it about silver bullets that will kill a werewolf? And, if you shoot one in the foot will it effect him the same as if you shot him in the heart?" I'm telling you, a therapist would have a field day with me. :)

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