Goodbyes

Goodbyes are hard. I had to say goodbye to my trainer today. Goodbyes are ususally not hard for me. I guess because it is usually me being the one leaving. I figure, this part of my life is over, on to the next. However, today's goodbye was unusually hard for me. I was going to get on the elliptical but I had to rush out of there because I thought I was going to cry. Yes, me. This is weird. I'm going to blame it on all the chemicals & hormones that were probably rushing through my body after a workout but it is still weird. I don't get choked up saying goodbye. Maybe it is because he is the one leaving & I still have so much further to go. Or, maybe, it is because he has been with me from day one & has helped me so much. It is probably a combination of all of those, who knows. I'm such a complicated freak. :)

I gave him a thank you card as I was leaving. In it I put that address of this blog & my email so that, if he wanted, he could keep in touch or keep up with my progress. So, he may be reading this right now. If you are, hi, Brian.

I'm still not completely sure who I'll be training with but I think it is one of the ladies at the gym. He warned me that she is a stickler for proper form & everything. That is scary but it is probably something I need to work on. I'm usually ok with my form the first few reps I do but as I start to wear out my form goes out the window. As usual, whenever I change anything with my exercise, I'm kind of freaking out. So, pray for me. I didn't ask if I had a session scheduled for Monday. I wonder if I should call & ask. I'll probably just show up & if I do, great & if I don't I'll just get on the elliptical or maybe even attempt to take the 9 am spinning class.

On another note, we did my measurements & weight today. I forgot to ask what the total number of inches lost was but I went down another 1.something% in body fat & I've lost a total of 43.5 lbs. Hooray!

In addition, I went to Lane Bryant yesterday to get new underware (mine was just getting ridiculous). While there I tried on a pair of pants & a shirt. Ok, so when I started all of this I was wearing 22/24 size jeans & 24/26 size shirts. I put on a pair of size 16 pants yesterday & they fit perfect. They weren't tight by any means. They weren't big but they were getting to the point of in a couple of weeks I may be able to wear size 14s. OMG! I wore a size 14 in high school! I also tried on a shirt that was a size 18/20 & it fit. In fact, it was almost to the "too big" point. I didn't buy either due to the fact that I didn't really like the style & I didn't want to spend $29 on a new shirt & about $40 on a new pair of pants that I may only be able to wear a couple of more weeks, but it felt great to see that size on the tag. I did get size 14/16 panties & today when I put them on they were this close to being too big. That's great but that is $25 that I spent for 5 pair & I would have liked them to be snug so I would know they would last a couple of months. Oh well. The only problem with that is, & I guess it isn't really a problem but, I think 14/16 is the smallest size they offer. I think they offer size 12 every once in a while but I think they are hard to find. I mean, that is great that I won't be able to shop there much longer (especially since other places are certainly a lot cheaper) but I do love their underware.

I've told some of my friends that I can't wait until I go into LB only to buy jewlry but it will be weird doing that. LB has become a safe haven. I can be sure to find something to wear in there & that I, more than likely won't be the fattest on in there. I know that the first time I ever go to buy clothes in a Buckle, American Eagle, or any of those types of stores I am going to feel so out of place & awkward. I know that those self-loathing voices & paranoid thoughts of "you don't belong here," "everyone is wondering what a girl like you would be in a store like this," "you're the fattest one in this store" are going to come back & try to ruin the whole experience for me. Oh, well. I'll get over it, I'm sure. I'll just tell those demons to take a hike. What do you think? :)