Salsa: To Dip or Not To Dip (Part I)

I didn't work out today but I really don't feel that bad about it. Mon & Tues I worked out for 30 min with my trainer, Mon & Wed I did about 30 min of cardio (elliptical), Tuesday I did an hour of cardio (elliptical & stationary bike), & tomorrow I've got another session with my trainer & I plan on doing at least another 30 min on the elliptical (I may do an hour depending on how I feel).

Also, kind of on topic in long stretch kind of a way, Kim has invited me to go with her & some of her friends to eat at Gloria's (Mexican food, mmmmmm) (If I do go I may eat a little something before & just get a small salad or something light) tomorrow night, followed by salsa dancing. Hummmmm. Me, salsa dancing. Someone could get injured very easily. I haven't decided if I'm going to go. I may just play it by ear.

I have two stupid & contradicting fears about the whole dancing thing. First, I'm afraid I will be the only one not asked to dance. Not that that would be all that big of a deal. It doesn't really hurt my feelings but I'm afraid other people will notice. And, not that what people think of me should really matter but, that is when the paranoia begins to kick in. I start imagining everyone is saying one of two things: "How sad. No one has asked her to dance. Let's find someone & ask him to ask her to dance." (how humiliating would that be?) or "Well, we know why she isn't being asked to dance, she's just too fat." Ahh, the life of the socially anxious.

My second fear is that I will be asked to dance. I do not know how to salsa, other than with a chip (obviously). What if I just make a big fool out of myself. I'm really good at that. How disgusting is it going to be when all of my bits start jostling around? Eeekkk!

Having said that, I have another fear that always seems to pop up during situations like that: What if one of those guys starts hitting on me? Ok, first, I am not looking for anything but, if the right kind of guy came along, I wouldn't mind going out with him. However, this is rarely the problem. If some guy does act like he likes me he usually ends up being an "undesirable." I really don't want to get into what qualifies as an "undesirable" to me, here today. Some of the main things would be, a non-Christian, a smoker, a heavy drinker, a thug, etc... There are many other things but, like I said, not here, not today.

I am not the type of girl that feeds on the attention of the opposite sex. In fact, it makes me quite nervous. I have no idea what to do, whether I am attracted to him or not. If he is one of these guys, how do I make it clear I'm not interested without being rude or hurting his feelings (& not lie)? I guess the main reason for my awkwardness when it comes to guys is my inexperience. I've only been on about 4 dates in my whole life (counting my 6 month high school "relationship" as 1 date) and only 1 of those was after high school. Even that one was about 9 1/2 yrs ago (I know, very sad, I'm a social freak).

Ahhh, boy, I have totally gone off the deep end with being pretty open & honest on this blog with what I'm about to share. You are really getting a glimpse in to the psyche of Kristy (ha, that kind of rhymes).

Along with the whole boy/girl topic (man, how did I get on this?), there is the issue of flirting. Now, I'm not talking about the tactless ogling, batting eyes, drooling, & smiling to the point of nerve damage that many girls seem to have majored in; I'm talking about the showing of the opposite sex that you are interested. I am crap at that. I have a paradox going off in my mind at the very thought of attempting to flirt. My thought is, "I don't want to flirt because he may think I like him." Yes, I'm being totally honest, that is really how I feel. I told you, I don't make sense; a total paradox. No matter how much I try to logically work this out in my mind, I still come back to the thoughts that if they guy or his friends think I like him they are going to run off into a corner & laugh about it. Like, "How could this girl ever think she had a chance with me?" Yes, I should be in therapy.

I'm not saying any of this to get any kind of sympathy or anything like that. I'm just trying to be honest & evaluate my life for what it is. Like I've said before, this is just a document of my thoughts, my life, etc... I don't do this for any other reason. If someone finds any humor, motivation, inspiration, interest, etc out of this then that is just an extra bonus.

So, will Kristy eat Mexican, will she brave the dance floor, will she end up in the ER, will she be chased by some creep, will she meet the man of her dreams. Tune in next time for the shocking conclusion of ... * dum, dum, duuuuuummmm *...... Salsa: To Dip or Not To Dip (Part II)