Thursday, July 16, 2009
I'm loosing ground & loosing control
I just weighed tonight &, as expected, the out come is not good. No surprise there. Granted I am on my "girly time" & last week I was as sick as a dog & still coughing quite a bit but, let's be honest, I'm sucking big time. Eating is out of control & exercise has been non-existant. I have been struggling since Christmas &, since April, it has just gotten worse.
I feel gross, my clothes that were getting big are now fitting, & I'm not feeling as comfortable & confident as I was. I'm depressed & I hate myself for it. How did I let myself fall back into these patterns & why can't I stop myself?!
I have two weeks before Kim's wedding to get myself back into feeling better & loose at least 5 lbs. Next week won't be too difficult since I don't have any meetings or plans during the middle of the week so I plan on killing it on the eliptical for an hour Mon-Thurs. Thursday I'll be going home to the parents for about 10 days for the wedding & week-before-preparations. That will be a little more tricky. I tend to get lax when I'm at my parents. I still plan on exercising while I'm there. I have my kettlebell & I need to get back into running. It is in the 100's here in TX right now so running outside is not that safe so I'll have to get my butt out of bed early to beat the sun's rays.
The other problem is I may have to deal with people "encourageing me" or suggesting I eat right or exercise. That is NEVER the best way to deal with me on anything. If I even suspect you are mentioning anything about exercise or food to me, I rebel & either eat as much as I can or do as little physical movement as possible. When someone even asks me if I want to go for a walk with them, it translates in my mind as "You are so enourmousely fat. You aren't worthy." I know this is a mental issure with me but still that is how my mind works.
I hate running but it is one of the cheapest & easiest (easy as in you can do it pretty much anywhere & it requires no equipment) forms of exercise around. I do have a couple of motivations to get back into it though. I have a friend who's father told me that she is planning on coming to Dallas in December for a 5K. I would love to do it with her & that gives me pleanty of time to get back into it. Also, another friend of mine has a friend that wants to do a triathlon with three people, meaning, each person does one of the events. My friend wants me to do it with them. I have the choice to either run or bike. Since, I haven't done much biking, I'll probably choose to do the running. So, I guess it is back to it. I'll pretty much be starting the Couch-to-5K over again since I haven't run since April.
Oh, well, this is a lifestyle not a diet, right? Ugh, still, SO frustrating!